I like to think of myself as a good Christian. And by that I mean I make it an effort to go to church every other month or so. Last year on one such Sunday I saw something that I had never seen before. A near death experience.
You would think near death experiences would be more common in church since most of the people in attendance are so old there is a good chance some of them knew Jesus personally. I'm sure when I'm older I'll attend church more. It's like an all night study session before a big final.
The near death experience I witnessed was not a major scare. A man had a heart attack in the middle of a church service. Fortunately it was a minor one and the man was alright. Paramedics came and took him away while most of us secretly mumbled our jealousy of how he got to leave early.
Although the man didn't die it did occur to me that if you have to die, church isn't a bad place to do it. For starters you are already in the place where your funeral will be held, and you are dressed in your Sunday best. Slap a little blush on the face and you're ready for your open casket.
Secondly, I'm not sure how the point system of heaven works, but I'm guessing dieing while in church has got to count as a bonus.
"Were you a good Christian?" asks Saint Peter.
"Was I? Let me tell you where I just came from!"
I wonder about the afterlife sometimes. In movies they always show dead people walking around stuck in whatever outfit they were wearing when they die. That's great if you get hit by a car on the weekend while wearing cargo shorts and a t-shirt. But what if you get hit by a car on Halloween? Now you have to walk around for all eternity dressed as a sexy kitty? What's worse, you're a guy! Sure it seemed like a funny idea on your way to the party, but by your third century in the afterlife the joke has to start getting old.
The other way they show heaven in the movies is with everyone dressed in white. White suits, white dresses and white robes. Not bad if have a dark skin tone or hair color, but think of all the poor red heads. For a ginger with freckles, having to wear white forever is it's own type of hell. Or at least hell for everyone who has to look at you (insert gay cliche snap).
My biggest concern with the heaven/hell concept is it so often is portrayed as an all or nothing scenario. Either you get to spend eternity in bliss, or are cast into a foreverness of suffering. I always wonder about those who fall just short. Can you imagine if you are just about to get into heaven, but are denied access because a week before you died you ate the last girl scout cookie without offering to share it with your wife? Now you have to wait out the end of days getting poked by a pitch fork because you can't resist Somoas.
Will I get into heaven? I guess it depends on if God has a sense of humor. I'm hoping he does, otherwise heaven would be a pretty boring place. I don't like the idea of taking the hereafter too seriously. It seems like it would take too much fun from the here and now.
As a child the concept of death used to be my biggest fear, but at some point I just stopped worrying about it. I realize there is a good chance that neither heaven nor hell exist, but it seems to me the chance of an empty nothingness is even more unlikely. It's a law of science that matter and energy can be neither created nor destroyed, so it seems to me the same is likely true for a soul or consciousness. In some form or another my life energy, whatever you wish to call it, will go on. The only question is where.
If, however, my assumption is false and my death brings only oblivion. I take solace in the knowledge that I will never know I am wrong. Therefore my theory on the hereafter can only be proven true and if it's not then it doesn't matter.
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